Last 7 Years of My Life Summarized
For all my teenage life up until I moved out about 1.5 years ago, I had believed that my only skill was in academics. I grew up as a "golden child" since I was the most academically sound, resulting in a life in which the only validation I received from my parents is if I displayed some level of intelligence. This came in came in a few ways, whether it be speaking about politics, using big words, or even to the level of using "inquisitive" body language.
What was the result of all of this? Well, my grades were awesome. I had only received 1 B ever from elementary school to high school and I graduated from college in 3 years because I did early college and took larger course loads while I actually was in college. However, for my true aspirations and dreams, I never pursued those - I didn't think I needed to. Besides, my parents didn't enjoy the idea that their son wanted to partake in entrepreneurship, lift, or learn how to talk to people, that was too dangerous, it's better to leave him in the safe and soundtrack of doing well in school, doing well in college. "If he plays his cards right, he could get an MBA or an exercise science degree so that he could do those things" - I hated when my parents said anything like this, but I was too afraid to challenge it.
Now I had said that I didn't think I needed to in the last paragraph, I think that was some sort of coping mechanism I used to justify why I didn't really try going after my goals. In truth, I didn't believe I could accomplish any of those things. I lived vicariously through youtube video after youtube video watching hours and hours of fitness YouTubers and fighters. I always thought "man these guys are so skilled or look so amazing, it's too bad I can't do any of this". Funnily enough, there was a free weight gym about 1 minute away from the home that I passed daily and there were kickboxing and BJJ instructors in my town on the way to my university. But I was sorely convinced while I lived with my parents that I couldn't do it, there was no way.
The result of all of this? At the ripe age of 20, I weighed 115 pounds by the end of college at 5'8 and was gravely intimidated by anyone bigger than me (which was virtually everybody short of middle schoolers), but "at least I had my academic virtues, I graduated magna cum laude AND in 3 years" was what I thought - as if anyone really cared about that outside of my family.
A month after graduating, I moved about 100 miles away to Charleston, SC. To make a long story short, it was a pyramid scheme and I quit in 8 days. So here I am, about 125 (I managed to gain a few pounds because of COVID) in this new town all by myself. For the first time in my life, I thought "well, I got this far, I can make gold out of this". I used my savings to get a gym membership and picked up a job at GNC as a salesman and began to work on 2 of the 3 things I always wanted to work on: socializing and lifting. In 3 months I became manager of the store and in 6 months I was at 140lbs. When I looked in the mirror and at my new position, I realized that I was more than just my academics, I was a winner. From then on I vowed to believe that if I give myself enough time, I can win at any task.
After GNC I became a programmer. My income multiplied and I felt incredibly lucky, but it also validated the idea that I was a chronic winner. 1 year after moving out I went from 125lbs to 150lbs and I had a very lucrative career lined up for me. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), after 6 months as a programmer, my mental health began to decline. Every day I woke up I wondered why I was trying so hard for someone else's goals. So I needed a mental health day - so what? Take it and move on, you've got something good going for you. But a day turned into days, then days into a week. Until eventually the idea of getting out of bed resulted in me wanting to cry. But why? The job was awesome and my parents are so happy! Except I wasn't happy, I was still ignoring entrepreneurship.
So why hadn't I done entrepreneurship yet? Well, the truth is, I tried, a few times in fact. Except I was so caught up in details and menial tasks that I never got anything off the floor. I had perfectionistic tendencies when it came to business: "the logo has to look just right and I need a perfect website title. Oh, a business plan, you need those too right? Wait, how do you even write one of those? What would I even sell anyway? How do I get clients? Clients for what? I'm not cut out for this. I need more money and experience first!". The list went on and on. For some reason, my belief that I was a winner didn't work here.
Working for someone else woke me up though. I spent so long trying to make my parents happy in the only way I knew how: following their script. Then I spent all my time trying to make my boss (who is an awesome guy, don't get me wrong) by being a great worker bee. But I ignored the true calling I had since I was a teenager, entrepreneurship. So once I felt myself slipping away, once I realized that working so hard for someone else gave me dread, I changed once again.
The raw anxiety of working for someone else forced me into a position where I'm convinced I NEEDED to work for myself like my life depends on it. This combined with the fact that I feel like I can win at everything... Well, let's just say I have very high hopes for what I'm doing. If I fail at the blog and youtube, I will try again. If I fail again? I'll try again. I'll keep trying until some sort of self-sufficient stream of income presents itself.
So what does this have to do with life? Well, this is life, mine anyway. It's pretty much how I conceptualize the last 7 years. And what were the moments when my life changed? When my mindset changed. So I profess that life is just a big mindset. If you believe yourself to be a loser, then you will be a loser. If you believe yourself to be a winner, you'll be a winner. There's a quote I heard, it goes something like "People don't do great things then become great people; they become great people then do great things." (this is all assuming you put the work behind these beliefs of course).
So How Do You Change Your Mindset?
So that's all fun and games, but how do you actually go about changing your mindset? ESPECIALLY if it's one that's been ingrained into you since you were a child? This may not be a recipe for all, but it's certainly how I approached the situation, so I'll show you what I did that resulted in me beginning to work on my physique, up my socializing game, beginning my career, and soon after taking action to start entrepreneurship. I suggest opening a notepad file or getting a pen and paper because this could be a lot.
Step 1: Identity-Limiting Beliefs
The first step in changing your mindset is to simply identify what parts of your mindset you'd like to change. In my case, it was that I was only valued for my intelligence and that doing anything else was futile. That there was no point in doing any of this. Please be brutally honest with yourself in this situation. I had been identifying my beliefs when I first moved out, but I always ignored my limiting beliefs about entrepreneurship. I'd either tell myself that it's something I should do when I'm more established or understand some sort of industry more. It's all bollocks. The best way to learn anything is by doing that thing.
A good start to identifying limiting beliefs is to simply listen to your thoughts when you think about doing something you've always wanted to do. For example, if we ask teenage Jose if he wanted to work out, he'd probably say something like "yeah, but I don't have anywhere to work out. Plus I don't have any equipment to work out. So even if I started, it wouldn't be optimal". So from just this thought, we have some beliefs: I didn't think I had a workout spot, I think I need equipment to work out, and I want it to be optimal. Let's continue with this example in the next step of finding the root of these thoughts.
Step 2: What and Why?
Next, we simply ask the question "what do you mean by that" to ourselves for each belief and provide a more detailed explanation. The answers to this question could be simple, but it just gives us an extra layer of thought before we begin asking the heavy-hitting "whys". So in order of the beliefs, it'd be something like: "I don't have a gym to work out at, and working out in my room or in the backyard is... well, I wouldn't know what to do", "If I want to work out, I want to have equipment like a barbell, machines, and dumbbells to do what I'd like", and "If I'm going to work out, I need to do it at maximum efficiency muscle growth otherwise what's the point?".
So this provided us with some extra information about my thought process as a teenager. Now at this point, we have enough information to ask "why". You simply ask "why" to each of these beliefs and write the answer that appears in your head. Often times your first answer will be some frivolous answer that doesn't actually address the thought, and so you ask "why" to that answer. After you ask why about 4-5 times (if it takes you more than this, you either have a gigantic issue, or you're not answering in-depth enough), you should find the real reason for each of these problems. I'll only do an example for one of the beliefs because this can take a while if you really put some effort into it.
Q: "Why don't you have a gym to work out at and why is not knowing what to do a problem? You just started lifting so realistically you don't know anything"
A: "Well, I haven't actually looked if I don't have a gym to work out at so I don't know. My parents probably wouldn't let me do it anyway. And I guess I don't know what I'm doing at all so maybe I should research first before I do anything?"
Q: "Why do you think your parents wouldn't let you do it? You should ask first and see what they say before coming to that conclusion. And why do you need to research before starting? There are kids in your high school that workout that you are teaching about exercising, but they look better than you - why can't you research and start at the same time?".
A: "Well I don't think they'd let me because I've expressed interest and they didn't like it before. I guess I can ask but I'm pretty sure the answer is no. If I have no gym I can't work out. And I guess you're right. I just... I don't know why I can't do both. I just don't. It doesn't really make sense.
Q: "Okay I'm glad you realize that not starting doesn't make sense, but why do you need the gym? Once again, these other kids are just doing pushups, air squats, and pullups and look far better than you. "
A: "You're annoying, you know that? I don't want to do pushups, air squats, and pull-ups. Those are so boring"
Q: "Well, is it really boring if it's the really the only reasonable way you can get started with exercising? That begs the question, why do you just not work out then?"
A: "... I don't know. I guess I'm just disappointed that I can do things like the YouTubers. And I'm afraid that if I don't do barbell workouts then I won't get bigger"
I think you get the idea. If we asked one more time I'd bring up the calisthenic athletes I watched on youtube and how they got amazing physiques with essentially nothing thereby destroying that argument. The important aspect of this exercise is breaking down the argument until there isn't really anything left for it to stand on. It's only at this point that you can accept that your beliefs are simply limited and it allows for changing them. Here's how I changed these limiting beliefs.
Step 3: Creating Alternate Realities
There are two steps here and a hefty amount of writing. This is probably the most important step with the "whys" being a close second. First, we write a journal detailing our life in the future if we were to get rid of our limiting beliefs and do what it is that we wanted to do. Write a detailed account of what you think your relationships would be like, your personality, the way you think about yourself, and everything you conceivably care about, you write about it. Write this step with rose-colored glasses too, get really peachy with this one. This can be as long as you want, but I like to do at least a page before moving on. I've done this a couple of times and have gotten as many as 7 pages. Don't be reserved here.
Then, you do the complete opposite. You write a detailed account of your life if you were to keep these limited beliefs. Be as depressing and over-the-top as possible. If you think you'd die, write that you'd die. Write about how terrible you'd feel and other people would treat you. Get as monstrous as you can with yourself. Once again, I've written up to 7 pages on just this part for a given limited belief. Do. Not. Be. Reserved. Get it all out.
By doing this we create two realities, a benevolent one full of wonder and awe, and a malevolent one full of despair and anxiety. The idea now is that you have something to run away from and something to run towards. Now is the easiest point to take action and this is exactly what you need. A reason to take action. This is why it's the most important step, you're setting yourself a foundation to just get started on whatever activity you have. This brings us to our next step.
Step 4: Taking Small Wins
Up to this point, you've identified your limiting beliefs, you've questioned them thoroughly, then you've generated some potential futures as to what would happen if you addressed or ignored the beliefs. You decided to get started, but you still don't actually know what to do. At this point, you just do literally anything that directly moves you in the direction you want to go in. I want to emphasize directly moves you toward what you want. If your goal is to get a better physique, you work out. Even if that means 1 pushup. That's 1 more pushup than the day before. Or simply going to the gym and just soaking in the environment: that's 1 more time at the gym than before (I'm pretty sure Arnold Swarchnegger did this as well).
After each time you get a small win like this, you do two things. First, you mentally celebrate the hell out of that win. You celebrate like your life depends on it. You did something you normally wouldn't do. Great job dude, you just got the ball rolling. Then, what you do is visualize that peachy world you created in the last step. Really soak in the feeling of already achieving what you did. You should be getting extraordinarily hyped about this.
I literally did this at the halfway point of this article. I visualized myself first receiving my first dollar with all this stuff, then I visualized myself with 1000000 subscribers and countless visitors to my blog along with $30,000 per month in my bank account. I was so excited I started pacing back and forth and yelling out "LET'S FUCKING GO" or "YES" over and over again. Sounds ridiculous? Maybe, probably because this is the biggest goal I've ever visualized, but it's never failed me.
Conclusion
Take your limiting beliefs, analyze them, rewrite your future and take your small wins in stride. Each small win is a contribution to your ultimate reality. Maybe you don't reach it, who cares? You sure as hell will have gotten closer to doing this than having not. And you can always redo this exercise as many times as you'd like because your limiting beliefs will change and your goals will change too. I don't profess to be free of limiting beliefs, it's just a matter of routinely doing this exercise and then applying the effort to get small wins until one day, the wins aren't so small.
I hope you enjoyed the article and I strongly challenge you to do this exercise, your whole life might change because of it. If you want to watch this video instead, here's the link: https://youtu.be/4g9-xXP77EQ
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